When my first daughter was born, I was young, newly married, and living in a new city with no friends and no family. Even though my husband was and always has been very supportive, I knew I needed help.
Who gives you the support you need to be the parent you want to be?
Like cooking turkey on Thanksgiving or giving flowers on Valentine's Day, I cannot help feeling the tug of this time of year to pause and reflect. Yes, January 1 is just the next day after December 31. But it feels like a beginning, and the part of me that loves rituals and traditions always comes forward with thoughts and questions.
What are your questions?
Comparing seems to be part of human nature. We compare ourselves to others. We compare our children to each other and to other children. Practicing how to refocus from comparing to appreciating makes it easier to see our children, and ourselves, as lovingly unique individuals!
What are your child's strengths? What are your strengths?
Later, when we were listening to Christmas music as we were putting up the tree, I didn't even try to make up a story about how decorating was going to go. I just experienced it as it happened and that was enjoyable. I hope to be able to do the same through the cooking-decorating parties we've been invited to, our town's tree lighting festival, caroling, and whatever other holiday events we've got on the calendar.
What happens when we plan ahead, but events don't go as anticipated?
Underestimating the amount of mess that can be made with two cans of shaving cream was a grave error in judgment on my part.
While the whole point of art is to enjoy the process and not worry too much about the end result, I lost that focus while gazing at pictures of magical, snowy trees and imagining my kids making something similarly cute.
What lessons have you learned, or relearned, through experiences gone awry?
Warm relationships with other adults sustain us when we're struggling or feeling isolated. These "villages" are our connected communities of caring adults who support us in nurturing our relationships with our children.
The idea is that “our people” come alongside us when it’s hard, help us answer our questions, encourage us to grow into our roles as moms and dads. And we do the same for them! That’s what it means to be part of our village.
What does your village look like?
Parents spend a significant amount of time talking to kids. We have a lifetime of information and lessons to share with them, and we're constantly searching for the most effective ways to talk to our kids so they will listen to all we have to say. In parent-child relationships, it's us listening well that begets our children listening well.
How do you communicate to your kids that you hear and accept them?
What an exciting time of the year! The wish lists are getting longer. My evening walks have been so pleasant as neighbors are putting up twinkling lights that add such cheer to an otherwise gloomy night.
I've been thinking a lot about what I want my children's experience to be this season. What do I want them to remember? What do I hope they are looking forward to?
Making time to share time and interests with your child refills your love-tank and lets you bounce back after struggles.
Small moments in every day, every week, keep us connected. Small moments mean the connections do not have to complicated to be powerful. What small, special traditions do you share with your (even grown) children?
Why regularly share the evening meal as a family? How does this routine activity serve us beyond nourishment? It has been said that the table is the heart of the home. At the table, we rejoin the pack in a timeless ritual. We are no longer separate and solitary; we regain our identities as part of a greater whole.
What does your family table look like?