When my first daughter was born, I was young, newly married, and living in a new city with no friends and no family. Even though my husband was and always has been very supportive, I knew I needed help.
Who gives you the support you need to be the parent you want to be?
We tend to believe that only a few people are genuinely creative, that they are born knowing they are creative and that they go through life with that creative spark undimmed. But we are all creative, we all have a divine spark within us, we all have the capacity to tap into our originality, and we all have gifts whether we recognize them or not.
When can you set aside 15 minutes of today for something you love to do?
Research has shown that positive childhood experiences help children grow into healthy, resilient adults. These positive experiences can be categorized into what we call the four building blocks of HOPE. Let's take a deeper look at the first building block of HOPE: Relationships.
But first, what is HOPE?
Q: What are the benefits of parents tapping into their own creativity when it comes to their relationships with their children?
A: When you pay attention to the creativity of your child, you are connecting to a part of your child that is timeless. When you try to connect to your child's creativity and sense of wonder, you reawaken your own creativity and your own sense of wonder. If you focus on making it a safe and benevolent environment for your child to have self-expression, you then find yourself with a desire to have a safe, protected environment for yourself. The home becomes a sort of sanctuary, not only for your child's creativity but for your own.
Love is an amazing thing. It isn't always floodlights and fireworks. Sometimes love is blurry. You can't see a thing and have road rage, because you're stuck in the clogged congestion of life's freeway with people honking at you to hurry up. Sometimes, not all the time, just sometimes, love is pure magic. It stops you dead in your tracks.
When can you take a moment today to meditate on what you love most about your child?
One-on-one time is a great way to share pleasant time together, and scheduling daily one-on-one time (even if only a few minutes) is a great way to shape our days to ensure a routine of regular connection. It may not seem like it, but these few minutes a day goes a long way toward working together and solving problems when my child is in need of guidance.
What time during the day works best for you to spend a few focused minutes with your child?
If we look to perfection to judge our work by, we will always fall short, so it's very important to model that it's OK to be imperfect.
What is one thing you do well in how you are raising your child? How can you reframe your goals to be able to celebrate your mini-milestones?
One of the hardest challenges with raising a special needs child is trying to keep people, including us as her parents, from attempting to force her into being a "typical" child. Jackie is different. She will always be different, and I celebrate that difference.
How do you allow your child to be different? How do you allow yourself to be different from other parents?
I never felt like I could get angry as a child. My parents sure did, but I got the message loud and clear that I was supposed to keep the peace, be good, and above all, never ever lose my cool. As a parent, I found myself getting angry at my child for being angry.
What if I let my daughter be angry? What if I just listened and empathized but didn't try to fix it?
Happy, confident, caring children grow up in an atmosphere of flexibility and trust, supported by respectful and realistic parents who do not see challenging behaviors as indications that there is a problem with their children. Adults and children share many of the behaviors considered to be "problem behaviors" when exhibited by children.
Which behaviors do you share with your child?
January is when I look to the future, reflecting on the positive changes I'd like to make in my parenting. Here are my top 6 parenting resolutions for this new year.
When can you let go of your daily to-do list to spend a few minutes of enjoying the present with your child?
Every January presents us with the opportunity for a fresh start, for doing things differently to make positive changes in our families' lives. These 9 resolutions helped me engage in more peaceful parenting with my children, and I hope they help you to create more joyful connection with your children this year.
In what little ways can you put a couple of these resolutions into practice in your home this week?
Falling in love with our kids is a daring thing to do. Love opens us up, wide open: no armor, no defenses. We're naked and vulnerable when we're in love. Love is powerful. It's not just cupids and chocolates and diamonds. Love is raw, open, vulnerable, crazy, courageous, light that shines on every dark corner, every unmet need, and everything we don't want to look at.
When can you practice bravely allowing yourself to fully love your child?