I love summer vacation.

I remember picnics at the beach and playing in the sand. On very hot days, my older sister and I would run through the sprinklers and make up our own games. During the long, summer evenings, my father would play ball with us. We'd all enjoy family dinners outside on the porch after nightfall when the heat of the day finally gave way to cool breezes. I would count down the days until summer. I could hardly wait for summer vacation to begin.

But what is it like for parents?

The approach of summer vacation may be mixed with feelings of worry about how to fill the long hours, what to do about the complaint that "there's nothing to do," how to handle bickering and fighting between siblings, or how to find adequate supervision for children while parents are working outside the home.

When I understand that the most important influence on my children's development is my love and my interactions with them, summer vacation is an opportunity to make sure that my children have large doses of loving connections with me and their father. 

During the summer, children are free from the pressure of structured schedules, homework, and extra lessons. I can seize this as an opportunity to create stronger relationships with my children and provide them with the kind of rest that frees them to be calm, creative, and full of vitality. 

I find that my children need freedom from the pressure of being in large groups with so many other children. Summer vacation is an ideal time to give them a large dose of relationship by limiting separation from home and family. 

It is frustrating to face the fact that much of culture does not support the health and welfare of parents and children. As a result, it has become more difficult to be with our children and help them grow up. 

Still, planning for summer vacation became much easier once I moved from thinking that my children needed to fit around my schedule and instead began to think of how I could take care of my children's developmental needs, my primary responsibility as a parent. To explore how to shift my thinking, I asked myself a lot of questions, such as:

• If I need child care during the summer, is there a grandparent or other relative who can be with my children?
• Is there a summer camp with groups small enough that the counselors will interact with my child in a warm, caring way?
• How can I turn meal time into a festive family occasion?
• When I'm at work and not with my child, how can I give him a sense of connection with me?
• What kind of activities can I plan with my children that will give us opportunities to talk, laugh, and enjoy being together? (Examples: cooking and baking, arts and crafts, decorating the house, piecing together family history, making gifts, playing outside together, board games, etc.)

The primary answer I am looking for is how to create a deeper relationship with my children: What will help us to feel closeness, sameness, belonging, significance, love, and being known?

I have found that my friends who are parents all come up with their own unique answers to these questions, depending on what is appropriate for their own families, so they can be the parents their children need.

When I am empowered with the understanding of the significance of my role in my children's lives, I find that I look forward to summer vacation with more confidence and enthusiasm.  The more I find within myself how I can be the answer to my children's need for love, frequent loving interactions, and deeper relationship, the more I can enjoy each day with my children.

What part of your morning routine strengthens your relationship with your child? How about later in the day?

#normalizenurturing 

One of the best things about summer vacation for children who attend traditional school is that there is no fixed schedule. 

Kids don't have to get up early to be at school on time. There is no homework that has to be handed in before a deadline. There are no school bells that compel children to change activity or location each hour. Summer vacation is a chance to breathe and enjoy the freedom from being forced to conform to someone else's schedule and demands.

If they could have their way, children might spend summer vacation waking up at 11 a.m., staying in their pajamas until well past noon, eating breakfast cereal out of the box followed by a popsicle, sitting in front of an iPad or phone or TV for hours on end, and staying awake past midnight. 

The more mature a child is, the more he or she can participate in the conversation about the value of keeping a sense of order and routine to his life. The more he can develop balance and the ability to overcome his feelings of "I don't feel like it" with the tempering feeling of "I want to do what's good for me and others," the more a child can take control of his life and create healthy habits. 

It's up to me to create order for them, help them keep healthy daily habits, and give them a sense of routine, even during summer vacation. 

While a summer schedule does not have to be as intense as during the school year, we still want to take care of them in a way that's in their best interest and give them the security of knowing that their parents are in charge and taking care of their needs.

One thing that seems to help me most is to make time well in advance of the summer to begin planning for the summer. How can our summer schedule strengthen our family relationships?

This begins the creative process of thinking about and planning an enjoyable summer for our family. My husband and I consider ideas from our children, but what activities actually make it solidly into our summer plans have to work well for our family’s balance of time, money, and other resources.

Otherwise, I find that the potential of disorder and chaos of a schedule-less summer vacation can turn it into a stressful and unpleasant season for both myself and my children. Planning ahead allows us to build in more time for rest, creativity, and family time.

What routines did you use last summer that you want to do again? Which routines did you do last summer that you may change because your child is a year older? 

#normalizenurturing

I always wanted to be a daddy. I just never knew how much it would change me.

I call that first year of parenthood the most rewarding challenge I ever went through. Not that I would have changed it for the world, but I believe most parents understand what I mean.

Naturally most parents think their child is beautiful. Even with a little mushed face and purple foot, I felt the same. I was especially proud of the fact that while my son laid under a heating lamp in the hospital, I thought that he looked more developed than the other babies.

I don't know exactly when it happened, but suddenly I learned a new fear I will never lose until I am gone: In a moment somewhere in time, I understood that I would always wish for the best and fear the worst for my child indefinitely.

It seems as if, in a flash, that the world I had grown up in was no longer predominantly focused on me. My focus was now this baby.

I was overjoyed to be a daddy. I cried at the sight of him, but my mind raced with questions. : How do I immediately love someone that I have no history with? Should I feel guilty that here was this new creature that I love yet don't really communicate with beyond his needs? I wondered who my baby would grow to be.

I found myself watching every breath while he slept, and I would peer into the crib if he seemed too silent. I was beyond gentle, as if this new entity was in fact an ancient artifact as fragile as parchment.

Could I be a good daddy?

Two months after his birth, I was making some sounds and my son looked at me and smiled. In that moment of connection, my heart melted. Still, I wondered: I want to be an affectionate daddy, but is there such a thing as too much affection? Should Mommy be more affectionate than Daddy? I decided to throw caution to the wind. I wanted my child to grow up knowing that he is deeply loved through action and words of affection.

There are parents who essentially try to have their children become what they were not able to become or to be just like them. I believe that is confining. More and more, I find the true gift to my children to be a parent who allows them to discover their own path and support their positive choices.

I've learned that I am not perfect and that I make mistakes, but I am patient. I'm willing to learn as I go, as much as I hope my teaching sinks in. I know teaching isn't just preaching, that setting an example and following through with my word carries more impact. The greatest gifts I can give my two boys are love, guidance, affection, and my attentive time. The gift has been given both ways, as I've gained a greater happiness with myself.

Despite all the trials and tribulations we endure, being a parent can be so fulfilling. The first step is accepting ourselves and loving ourselves as the imperfect individuals we are; share that with your children. In this way, we will not seek the material things in life to find happiness, as we already have it in our hearts.

Being a parent has made me so happy and whole. I have become more forgiving, more accepting, more insightful, and above all, more loving. In all of the things I've done and accomplished, my family is my greatest creation and treasure: the one I am most proud of.

How has becoming a father changed you? What fears about parenthood have you overcome? What goals do you have for your children as they grow? What goals do you have for yourself? 

#normalizenurturing