Summertime can bring a variety of opportunities to connect with our children and enjoy new experiences together. 

Here are three ways my family deepens our connections with one another during the summertime:

1) Start a Family Tradition

Creating traditions each summer, just as during other seasons and on holidays, can help children experience predictability and be a source of family bonding. You may want to bring some traditions from your own childhood into your family's summertime now. 

In our family, summer traditions include baseball games, going to a carnival, visiting all the libraries in the county, and eating dinner outside. I admit that we didn't consciously set out to create these traditions: They just happened as we found things that our family enjoys going together in the summer.

2) Get Outside 

I've found that my children seem to handle stress better when they can spend more time outside and just seem to be calmer. 

There are so many opportunities to get outside in the summertime. Sometimes we stay near home and play in the backyard. Some of the fun activities we like to do outside is "painting" the deck with a bucketful of shaving cream and some paintbrushes, having a water fight with squirt bottles, searching for bugs, pretending to be bugs, doing messy art projects, and setting up an outdoor movie night.  

Other days, we venture out for a hike or nature walk. I also like to visit different playgrounds. Sometimes, I climb the playground equipment along with my children; sometimes, when I'm craving self-care, I'll sit and enjoy a book in the fresh air while my children play. 

3) Find Fun Activities, But Don't Force Them

A few years ago, I created a "summer wish list" of about 15 places to go or things to do during the summer. We didn't end up doing all of them, but it was helpful to have some plans and suggestions. Some of those activities became our traditions, while others were one-time outings.

It's important to remember that some summer plans may not work out as you hope. Sometimes, what seems like a great idea to us sounds boring to our children. For example, I've been trying to take my oldest son strawberry-picking since he loves strawberries and since it was something I loved as a child, but my son is simply not interested. Rather than forcing it, I find other activities he is interested in and focus on being present with him in whatever it is that we end up doing. 

A note to parents: Remember that summertime activities are about strengthening your family connections. If the activity is stressful to you, not enjoyed by the kids, and/or not creating a good bonding experience, don't feel bad about scrapping it for something else! 

I hope you are enjoying, exploring, experiencing, and connecting with your kids this summer.

What are your favorite summertime activities to do with your child? Is there an activity that just isn't jiving with your family that you need to let go of?

#normalizenurturing

I love summer vacation.

I remember picnics at the beach and playing in the sand. On very hot days, my older sister and I would run through the sprinklers and make up our own games. During the long, summer evenings, my father would play ball with us. We'd all enjoy family dinners outside on the porch after nightfall when the heat of the day finally gave way to cool breezes. I would count down the days until summer. I could hardly wait for summer vacation to begin.

But what is it like for parents?

The approach of summer vacation may be mixed with feelings of worry about how to fill the long hours, what to do about the complaint that "there's nothing to do," how to handle bickering and fighting between siblings, or how to find adequate supervision for children while parents are working outside the home.

When I understand that the most important influence on my children's development is my love and my interactions with them, summer vacation is an opportunity to make sure that my children have large doses of loving connections with me and their father. 

During the summer, children are free from the pressure of structured schedules, homework, and extra lessons. I can seize this as an opportunity to create stronger relationships with my children and provide them with the kind of rest that frees them to be calm, creative, and full of vitality. 

I find that my children need freedom from the pressure of being in large groups with so many other children. Summer vacation is an ideal time to give them a large dose of relationship by limiting separation from home and family. 

It is frustrating to face the fact that much of culture does not support the health and welfare of parents and children. As a result, it has become more difficult to be with our children and help them grow up. 

Still, planning for summer vacation became much easier once I moved from thinking that my children needed to fit around my schedule and instead began to think of how I could take care of my children's developmental needs, my primary responsibility as a parent. To explore how to shift my thinking, I asked myself a lot of questions, such as:

• If I need child care during the summer, is there a grandparent or other relative who can be with my children?
• Is there a summer camp with groups small enough that the counselors will interact with my child in a warm, caring way?
• How can I turn meal time into a festive family occasion?
• When I'm at work and not with my child, how can I give him a sense of connection with me?
• What kind of activities can I plan with my children that will give us opportunities to talk, laugh, and enjoy being together? (Examples: cooking and baking, arts and crafts, decorating the house, piecing together family history, making gifts, playing outside together, board games, etc.)

The primary answer I am looking for is how to create a deeper relationship with my children: What will help us to feel closeness, sameness, belonging, significance, love, and being known?

I have found that my friends who are parents all come up with their own unique answers to these questions, depending on what is appropriate for their own families, so they can be the parents their children need.

When I am empowered with the understanding of the significance of my role in my children's lives, I find that I look forward to summer vacation with more confidence and enthusiasm.  The more I find within myself how I can be the answer to my children's need for love, frequent loving interactions, and deeper relationship, the more I can enjoy each day with my children.

What part of your morning routine strengthens your relationship with your child? How about later in the day?

#normalizenurturing 

One of the best things about summer vacation for children who attend traditional school is that there is no fixed schedule. 

Kids don't have to get up early to be at school on time. There is no homework that has to be handed in before a deadline. There are no school bells that compel children to change activity or location each hour. Summer vacation is a chance to breathe and enjoy the freedom from being forced to conform to someone else's schedule and demands.

If they could have their way, children might spend summer vacation waking up at 11 a.m., staying in their pajamas until well past noon, eating breakfast cereal out of the box followed by a popsicle, sitting in front of an iPad or phone or TV for hours on end, and staying awake past midnight. 

The more mature a child is, the more he or she can participate in the conversation about the value of keeping a sense of order and routine to his life. The more he can develop balance and the ability to overcome his feelings of "I don't feel like it" with the tempering feeling of "I want to do what's good for me and others," the more a child can take control of his life and create healthy habits. 

It's up to me to create order for them, help them keep healthy daily habits, and give them a sense of routine, even during summer vacation. 

While a summer schedule does not have to be as intense as during the school year, we still want to take care of them in a way that's in their best interest and give them the security of knowing that their parents are in charge and taking care of their needs.

One thing that seems to help me most is to make time well in advance of the summer to begin planning for the summer. How can our summer schedule strengthen our family relationships?

This begins the creative process of thinking about and planning an enjoyable summer for our family. My husband and I consider ideas from our children, but what activities actually make it solidly into our summer plans have to work well for our family’s balance of time, money, and other resources.

Otherwise, I find that the potential of disorder and chaos of a schedule-less summer vacation can turn it into a stressful and unpleasant season for both myself and my children. Planning ahead allows us to build in more time for rest, creativity, and family time.

What routines did you use last summer that you want to do again? Which routines did you do last summer that you may change because your child is a year older? 

#normalizenurturing